Tuesday, October 26, 2004

GTA San Andreas

From time to time, I am amazed by my own efficiency. For instance, I have recently purchased the new Grand Theft Auto game, and within 4 hours I have managed to get my character to reach the "obese" level.

My secret? Well - I buy the biggest meal at the pizza place. And I buy it three times. Then I go over to the chicken place, and I buy their biggest meal. Three times. Then, it's back over to the pizza place.

Repeat until fat. A word of warning however - you will vomit if you eat too much.

Top all that fatness off with the highest afro money can buy, and I'm one smooth lookin' mother fucker. And what's more, I feel I've synchronized my REAL life and my digital life. According to the game - none of my "homeys" respect me. And, judging by the exasperated look on my wife's face, she feels similarly.

Comments on this Article

There are currently 10 comments.

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1. Naomi

10.26.04 | 5:46 PM

HAHHAAHAH - no hanky panky for you then. Monkey boy will get lucky tonight.

-+-

i love your piles of poor wordplay.

*sigh. i hate you. no i don't.

-+-

i've been living off soup for the past 2 weeks, dieting, so i don't know what is worse :p

2. niff

10.28.04 | 5:03 PM

kevin is fat or is he PHAT?

3. bearskinrug

10.29.04 | 7:22 AM

Naomi - What kind of soup? I would hope it's at least a "hearty" soup.

Niffer - He is both. At once. Like Dom DeLuise.

4. Ian

10.29.04 | 9:04 AM

Kevin is big, isn't he?

5. Justin

10.29.04 | 9:11 AM

Why is it that wives hate video games? More over, how come wives/girlfriends don't have hobbies?

Every couple I know is saddled with the same issue - the guy has too many hobbies (video games, sports, whittling, etc) while the wife has only TV watching.

Of course there is going to be internal dissention. My wife's hobby is hassling me for having too many hobbies.... and putting frying pans in the dishwasher.

6. wayne

10.29.04 | 2:43 PM

i have some questions about the "clean lemon" sketch. aren't lemons self-cleaning? that's why they make lemon pledge and lemon dishwashing detergent and such, right? because lemons are natural cleaning agents. so aren't all lemons (other than defective ones) equally clean? i'm just asking. also, "clean lemon" is just not a good blues nickname.

7. dr vocaturo

10.29.04 | 6:03 PM

wives. what a pain in the ass.

8. mike

10.30.04 | 2:42 PM

i demand new wallpapers.

9. jeff

10.31.04 | 2:01 AM

there's just something special about a game when you can do drive-bys in nothing but tighty whities and a cowboy hat.

10. rachael

11.01.04 | 1:56 PM

We got GTA on Friday. When I could wrest the controller from Merritt's sweaty meat hands, I also created a fat, afroed MF. I was hoping to make him vomit, but even though I made him eat 150$ worth of the Huge Cluckin Meal, then run and swim, nothing. I'm disappointed. He is, however, covered in the most ghetto of ghetto tattoos possible. I only wish I had this game at work because smashing a hooker to death with a shovel (in video game format) is really cathartic...