The Professional Webspace of Designer and Illustrator Kevin Cornell:
"Design, Art, and Lackluster Humor."
Having just recently moved, I am getting back into the swing of commuting to work. I have about a half-hour drive in the morning, so I have begun to reaquaint myself with morning radio.(ding ding) Knowing this, you should be able to figure out on your own what causes my inevitable self-induced car accident with the grizzled wreckage and towering flesh-fueled flames. (zip, zip zweeeeeeee)(honk, honk - screeeeeeeeeeech)
See, the problem with any humorous endeavor is when the audience sees the kinks (creeaaak, creaack). Just now, I inferred that I will kill myself to save my brain from grueling morning radio. Now if you read my news section often, you'll know that I used a similar "death as release from pain" joke (bugle playing taps) in the wallpapering article. If you didn't find it funny before, you sure as hell won't now. You've seen the kinks in my humor armor.
See, morning radio's (ding ding ding ding) suit of armor consists mostly of "irreverent guys". You might even need a "spunky gal" (tee hee hee) codpiece, to brashly sexually harass on-air. And your torso would be completely unprotected without (groaning foghorn) your humorous news stories, procured from the same treasure chest of a news feed (munch, munch - moooo) that six thousand other DJ's are raping.
What set me off this morning (tick, tick, tick, boom!) was the "classic rock" (and as we wind on down the road...) morning radio show. Mike McKean, from Spinal Tap and Mighty Wind fame, was scheduled to interview with the zany morning DJ guys (zip, zip zweeeee!). It seems Mike McKean wasn't "cool" enough for the DJ's to actually talk to, so they set him up on a prank interview - a lukewarm spot where the main joke was thinking his latest movie was "Breaking Wind" (fffaaaaaaaarrrrrtttttt!). Oh man! What a burn! I bet Mike McKean really wishes he hadn't become talented enough to be nominated for Oscars and such, and had gone the kooky morning jockey route instead!
Now, I've always been at a loss for how to deal with morning radio (ding ding). Why bother looking for another if they all sound the same? Listening to my own music would be a great answer, but I can only afford so many CD's, and I've already listened to all of them. If only there was some way to fill the void of silence (chirping crickets)... something that would NEVER get old... EVER...
(zwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeee! ZIP! zoooongggg! Arooooba! Arooba! CLAP CLAP CLAP! DING Ding ding ding ding ding)
Comments on this Article
There are currently 7 comments.
2. bearskinrug
I can't ride in a car with Robots. I don't have that little cigarette lighter adapter...
3. Pants
What I do now is throw the radio on the ol' AM dial. I listen to the news and stuff like that. I actually FEEL grown up!
5. Pants
I wouldn't go that far. Maybe I'll start wiping my own backside or something. Thats enough growing up for me!
6. Justin
I know it sounds cheesy, but I have an hour commute every morning and books on cd have saved my life. The problem is finding good ones - Stephen King puts out a lot and classics are readily available. The funniest part is had to get my first library card since elementary school because they are about 40 beans otherwise. Seriously - it's terribly uncool - but extremely effective. P.S. - get one with a british narrator. That makes it much that much more interesting.
7. bearskinrug
No - you're totally right, Justin! I love audiobooks - but the libraries I've been to have a pretty shoddy collection. What I SHOULD do is record myself reading books I already have, and then play them on the way to work...
Yes - and I'll fake a british accent!
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1. mike
wut u gotta do is...carpool! that or bring along one of those toy robot pets to sit next to u. eh?